Dear ——everyone,

I know I can't expect you to be there for me when I can't be there for you, but some days this illness makes it hard for me to be there for you, it makes it hard for me to be there for me, it makes it hard to think straight or know what to do next, let alone how to interact with you, but I still need you, I still need human contact, I still need not to be alone. It seems like an impossible paradox and I don't know the way out. I'm not alone though because I have God, but sometimes I want to see a human being too, to have someone just be here, just be in contact without expecting a response, but that in itself is not a very normal human interaction, so it's just as well I have God's grace. But if one day you could just reach out to touch me, expecting nothing in return, and somehow helping me to accept that you don't expect or need anything in return, that would be brilliant. But I know it's too much to ask.